It really sounds like you have a serious problem with alcohol, my friend. And you're only 20. I feel for you, I do. I understand your anxiety and that you don't feel safe where you are, but it still must be safer there than being out drinking vodka and having a BAC of .35, no?
I really hope you take this seriously and do EVERYTHING you can to stay sober. I have been reading about something that occurs with binge drinking called "kindling", you can probably google it. Every time you detox from another binge the anxiety and feelings of impending doom get worse. I hate to think of anyone having to go through that.
Prayers and ((hugs)) for you, my man
. Feel better and take action to overcome this thing!