shirlygirly

Well, it's been a while since I posted and I figured this would be a good time to touch base. Long story short, I had all four wisdom teeth removed on Friday, July 1st. Two were impacted and very close to the nerves. At my pre-op appointment I was very clear with both of the surgeons that I was in recovery and did not want narcotic meds. I was told that one of my teeth in particular would require pain management beyond Ibuprofen and that they wouldn't let me leave without a prescription. I talked to my sponsor, my family, my fiance...everyone. We made a plan for how I would handle taking the medication.

So I went in for surgery. The day of, both before and after surgery, I was clear again that I was in recovery and told them I had worked out a plan with my family and my sponsor if I were to need meds. They said I needed meds. They prescribed me an antibiotic, Ibuprofen 600, and Vicodin, as they had a "very, very difficult time" taking out my lower right tooth. My recovery the first two days were as I expected. I was very swollen and extremely sore. I ate like 45 gallons of ice cream. I took the pain medication as prescribed for a couple of days. By the third day I started getting sick (migraines, nausea, etc.) and moody (anxious, irritable) from the Vicodin, so I had to stop taking it. From there I just stuck to the Ibuprofen and the antibiotic.

On day four I was in the most excruciating pain I had ever experienced and called the surgeon. He told me it was to be expected and said it would pass. Five days after surgery the pain had intensified so that my entire mouth was throbbing and it felt like a thousand pins were stabbing my gums where my gums and teeth meet. I demanded an appointment and the surgeon found nothing wrong. He explained to me, again, that they had a very, very tough time with my one tooth, and that I need to take something to manage the pain. Someone in my home group had suggested Tramadol, which I suggested to him, and he put me on that because it's supposed to be weaker and "less" addictive than the other pain meds. Again, I took this as prescribed and it seemed to dull the pain.

So fast forward until today...it's now the ninth night since my wisdom teeth were taken out and I'm in a hotel room traveling for work in EXCRUCIATING pain. My whole mouth is sore, throbbing, and that pins and needles feeling is constant. Though I can take the medication six times a day, I don't feel comfortable taking it more than three, which is how often I've been taking it since it was prescribed. When it wears off the pain is absolutely unbearable, but I'm totally terrified to take anything close to the recommended dose because I'm afraid I'll build a tolerance and feel like I need more.

So now I'm stuck traveling until next Thursday. I have a follow-up appointment with the dentist the next day. I've done everything I can to get the pain under control. I've been doing salt water rinses, peroxide rinses, using dental tools to gently remove any food from my wounds, etc. My sponsor is camping and doesn't have service for the weekend, so I've been checking in with sober friends and talking about what's going on. I've also been talking to my fiance, who is also in recovery.

I guess I'm just here to vent. I've been obsessing so much over this because I feel weak for "having" to take pain medication. I keep thinking, "Do I feel funny right now? Will I go through withdrawal when the pain stops and I stop taking these?" My anxiety was so high the other night that I was **I kid you not** researching whether I could overdose from Tramadol...by taking HALF the amount I was prescribed in one day. I spent like two hours at 2AM reading Tramadol overdose stories. It was insane.

At the end of the day I know it's all about my motives. I know for a fact that my motives are in no way to get high. I am looking for just the slightest bit of pain relief so I can sleep at night and go about my day in the morning. But why then, do I feel so freaking anxious? I guess I've just worked so freaking hard for these last three years and a few months that the thought of losing it all terrifies me. Any advice, support, or similar experiences would be a huge help right now until I can get to my next meeting. Thanks, guys.

<3
shirly