Thanks to those who have read and followed!
Things remain civil. I suspect for the first time in a long time she may at least be seeing the consequences and feeling the loss from her drinking and what it's brought us to. It's not nearly enough to change anything (as we have learned over the years, stress and life change are great reasons for an A to have some drinks).
She had a lot of stuff moved yesterday doing car trips in her little car and will get the rest of the small stuff today. To her credit it has been 15 days since I said we had to break up and she is almost fully out and set up a new life in a house a few miles away.
Mostly just small talk otherwise, talking about us or plans or feelings or whatever I realize is done. I also did something different than I did when we split last time. Last night, I called some immediate family to let them know we split and that her drinking was the main cause. As I'd made efforts to hide it plus we live far enough away that they didn't see her often, and she could keep it just under the limit atfsmily functions usually, they were surprised. But I wanted them to know why I had to do it. I thought it was important beyond just telling them I wasn't happy. My friends, well, they'd been around her enough to already get it.
So anyway, sad day for us and as much as I wanted to be stoic, when she asked if I wanted to say goodbye to the dog it was hard. I laid on the floor for a minute and silently choked back the sadness and gave her a bunch of pets, tears welled up and I walked away. No one likes seeing tears! She cried as well while I did this and was gone .
I know her best scenario is to either keep me as a friend or keep a foot in the door because she doesn't have a huge support system now. She has a couple local family members and her drinking pals and that is all. For that reason I expect she'll be on the dating sites already looking to fill the void. Not my concern and for that reason I'm staying off them.
An hour after she left she texted a video of the dog at the new place and another picture of a sentimental stuffed animal over there that I got her early in or relationship. I know the emotional pull game here and why this is done. It felt good when she made a comment about some lucky girl getting to move into the closet she just vacated because I knew she was jealous too. Ego stroke! But that is part of the Codie condition. And of course my ego says it feels good that she wants the text connection, but then I quickly realize she just wants me on the line for selfish reasons. When I respond, if we text, if we stay friends, she's still got a piece of that cushion left.
A bit somber again today, it will come and go in waves. This too shall pass.