Filing for divorce...
Here are links if you want to see my history:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/392013-stuck-uncertain-what-do-now.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/393155-my-limit-has-been-reached.html
So I am seeing a lawyer today to discuss filing for divorce. Originally I was going to seek legal separation, but after spending the last 4 days doing some serious soul searching, I know we cannot come back from this. And as long as he carries the hope that he can manage to continue our life as it is, he will never hit rock bottom.
My daughter and I spent the holiday weekend with my family at the coast and had a wonderful time. My AH meanwhile stayed at our home in between the airbnb places he rented after I told him I need a break and I need him out of the house. He refused to move out indefinitely so all I could get him to agree to was 3 weeks away.
Before I left for vacation he claimed he hadn't been drinking anymore, that he was studying his recovery and working hard. In the conversation I could tell he still didn't get it, he still was blaming his lack of sleep, his bad diet, etc for his problems but yet still said he was done drinking.
We skyped while I was gone so that he could interact with our daughter. He looked like hell. I came home yesterday to our house exactly the way I left it, including the same dishes in the sink from Thursday. I just knew he had gone on a bender. I dug in the outside recycling bin and at the bottom I found a bag from his 4 day weekend:
*12 pack of Pabst
*6 Budweiser tall boys
*2 fifths of Makers Mark
*1 pint of Bulliet Bourbon
*2 pints of Jim Beam
*3 mini bottles of Jim Beam
I am seriously surprised I didn't come home to find him dead. He is on pain pills for his hand and zoloft on top of all this alcohol. Any last remnants of doubt about divorce were washed away.
He came over to pick up his clothes and see our daughter and after she went to bed, I quietly showed him what I found. I told him I don't want him to die and his daughter needs her father in her life and to please get help. And then I shut the door.
After wrestling with it, I decided to call his parents. If he dies or injures himself, I need them to know the current situation and that the lies he is telling them are just that. I don't expect them to save or enable him, I'd prefer they didn't, but they are his parents and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try one last time to open their eyes to the dire situation.
After sending them the picture of his weekend bottles and calling them, his mother asked if I was just going to throw him out on the streets, asked if I would do the same thing if he had cancer as both are a disease. They don't understand, they don't want to see how bad this is and they blame me for pushing him out in his time of need. I've said my peace, I choose the health of me and my daughter. Whatever they choose to believe from here on out is no longer my problem.