Everyone, thank you so much for your posts of support and care during a tough time. I have friends and family but most of them are not local, so coming here to post my thoughts and feelings is quite cleansing in and of itself, even if it's just there for me to look back at someday, or for others to read to know they are not alone if they have to go through this, too.
So, I thank you for reading it, and thank you once again for taking the time to respond and send support.
On animals -- I'm going to try and follow the 6 month AA rule of no sudden changes to lifestyle, but if things get really lonely and empty here, I'll reconsider. I got this dog for her and we ended up having a great friendship, and I'd love to rescue another dog if I felt I was in the position to care for it and give it attention and love.
Daily exercise continues and that helps. Anyone who has tried it can attest to the fact that exercise never makes you feel worse emotionally, and it can be a nice boost during a day filled with a lot of sad times and thoughts.
I certainly see how romanticizing the past is a common thing you do at a time like this, you downplay the bad, you remember the good -- But you're right, just weeks ago I was sitting at home at 4 AM for the 3rd time in a week wondering where she was, who she was with, if she was ok -- And this after several attempts to tell her that it was having major negative effects on this relationship. Something had to change.
I'll remain hopeful from afar, as much as I'd like to remain in contact and share custody of the dog even, I don't feel that would be healing for me, and in addition it sort of continues to give her the support of my friendship and care for the dog (instead of her having to step up and take care of this herself). The best thing for her is going to be to have to fully realize the loss and for me to no longer act as a support system for her addiction. She says she intends to quit drinking. Let's see if she can walk the walk instead of just talk the talk for a while. And things will play out as they do.
I am so sorry for all of you who had to go through this yourselves, and also after reading some of the other threads here (and I want to come over there and give support once I get a hold of myself here)...I feel somewhat silly for having a problem of just a girlfriend who drinks a lot and comes home late or passes out. Yes, it's a problem, but seeing what some others have struggled through, so much more, I felt a bit guilty for even saying it was a problem when I can see how much more severe it can get.
Warm thoughts to all, and thank you -- More to come as I need to vent it out!