The Long (Short) Goodbye
I've actually had nightmares of this day coming and now it's here. I've woken up feeling such relief when she was still there beside me. After today, it's happening for real and I don't get how I'm feeling but it just is what it is.
She will still have a few more trips back but will be mostly moved in by tomorrow. Did I set a record? 13 days from the day I told her I wanted her to move out, she's gone. I guess with all the discord lately she wasn't surprised.
Here I sit with the dog curled up in my lap one last time. She mentioned today it didn't have to be the last I'd see the dog. I had to tell her it would be too hard to see her and the dog and say goodbye over and over again. If only there was a way to see the dog and stay out of contact otherwise. I'm going to make billions on my new uber for dogs of separated couples service. Brilliant. Dogs delivered without breaking NC! I wish there was a way. This dog really has become my best pal. And she has no idea that she's about to lose me for good. Wow, how do you folks with kids do it in these situations? I'm choking up just looking into her eyes. Innocent bystanders.
All kidding aside it was a sad day. Saw her a lot. She cried again. We know it's over. We just don't see a way back and it's the end of 10 years of knowing each other. I know now that we were never getting anywhere living here together. To hear her say today that the first thing she's doing for herself is quitting drinking gives me a slight bit of hope for her. If it took losing 10 years to get her to change her thinking and even try, I'm glad we did it because it's what she needs.
As for me, I feel pretty crummy. The house is getting emptier as her stuff disappears. Soon it will be quiet and lifeless. I'm doing the right thing and I know that, but it still stings so bad. It doesn't matter if every friend, neighbor, person tell me that I'm doing the right thing...I alone now walk in this new direction. I invested in her, in us and held out hope that one day everything would just click. That day never came.
Was I too hard on her? I read so many stories here. Violence. Damage. Infidelity. I simply had to deal with a drunk person a few days a week who got drunk and eventually just went to sleep.
I want to fast forward, I hate this part.