The feeling of me missing out and feeling deprived of fun from drinking is a huge wall for me staying sober. As my name refers to, when I am grateful to be sober, I can stay sober. But once I start feeling like I'm missing out and depriving myself of fun, I usually buckle. In my mind, I am young and should be out there with the rest of my young generations and living it up. Not at home alone feeling bitter and not allowed to do what I see others do with impunity.