timetohealguy

Hi Kboys,

As a man, I experienced similar stuff from my female ex.

I was suffering situational depression which is also called an adjustment disorder or since 2013 "stress response syndrome". The doctor who diagnosed me, advised me that this was caused as a result of my ex's drinking and prescription medication abuse .

There is info about it here ...

Mental Health: Adjustment Disorder

Initially I intentionally did not tell my ex about that diagnosis, nor her family of origin, because I felt like at that point that such info would be used against me.

At one point, in the midst of a prescription medication combined with alcohol driven rage from her against me (the medication she was on should never be mixed with alcohol), I was in tears, completely overwhelmed by the situation, and I said to her "can you not see that I am completely overwhelmed by the situation with your drinking and terrified that you are going to die ?".

At that point, she launched into one of the most humiliating, belittling, personal and destructive attacks I have ever experienced in my life.

She started screaming at me "Stop crying ! You are not a real man !"

She then demanded angrily to know why I was having problems getting things done around the house - I had absolutely no energy to get things done.

Meanwhile her daily activities seemed to consist of drinking, yelling at me and making mess around the house, which I was expected to clean up. I was doing all the cooking, all the clothes washing etc and was the only one earning an income - it was like having an angry adult-sized toddler to look after.

The alcohol counsellor we had been talking to had asked that I come to some sessions with my ex, and the counsellor had let my ex know (with my permission) that there were neurological reasons that I was having problems - the counsellor knew about my diagnosis.

I said to my ex "Please. I am doing my absolute best - I feel completely emotionally and physically exhausted and I can barely get the energy to get myself out of bed each morning".

My ex replied coldly "Your best is not good enough" and kept pressing demanding to know why I was so exhausted etc.

So I sat my ex down and quietly spoke to her about my situational depression / adjustment disorder / stress response syndrome diagnosis, which up to that point she did not know about.

I had never felt so vulnerable telling her that - I felt deeply ashamed that I had succumbed to that problem. I was crying as I told her about it.

Her response floored me. She listened to what I had to say, seemed to be taking it in, took a breath, and then what can only be described as a look of pure rage filled her eyes, and she responded to me "you are a f--king a--hole".

She then launched into a rage that went on for over an hour, calling me every name you can imagine.

The absolute lack of any kind of empathy or compassion that alcoholics can display is absolutely staggering. It was "hijacking of the brain" in the worst possibly way, absolute destruction.

Something broke inside me that day. It took a lot of trust for me to open up to my ex and tell her about my diagnosis, to put aside my shame at succumbing to that problem, and it was like her alcohol hijacked brain just saw that vulnerability as a way to attack me and hurt me in the most humiliating and deeply personal way possible.

I saw this video a couple of days ago, titled "Be warned - Narcissistic rage (the devaluation begins)" and the phrase in it of "When you are a hammer, the world looks like a nail", immediately jumped out at me ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj3mlQ0n2rQ

This video titled "Alcoholism, Addiction and Narcissism: A Toxic Cocktail That Destroys Lives" also has been very helpful ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDwYskwHdDw