No reason whatsoever to apologize, Smilax.
Hang out here. You'll find that there's a world of support here, as well as strong counsel from people to help you.
We've all walked a mile in the same shoes. There's nothing good in the bottle for folks like us and unless we stop, it gets progressively worse.
Direct those shoes on the sober path. I assure you, you'll never regret it.