Thank you Venecia, yes I apologise for that I am sure subconsciously that had a role to play in why I posted this. I suppose I just need to talk and vent as I keep this issue so much to myself I hide my drinking and few know about it. But then I have few friends to begin with. I isolate and keep very much to myself. Being able to share my struggles on here at least gives me a sense that I'm not so alone. But you are right I seem to just seek more excuses to continue.
Originally Posted by
Venecia 
Hi, Smilax,
I'll be honest: I'm not a fan of the "tell me your rock bottom" threads that appear rather regularly here on SR.
Why?
Because they can leave the original poster with a sense that he/she has emerged favorably by comparison. A "oh, whew!" response because: a) not in legal/criminal trouble; b) not in an ICU or once again in the ER; c) not facing a divorce; d) not hovering on the edge of joblessness; or e) whatever rock bottom you'll get in response.
If, by the time I got sober, I could have traveled back in time -- say 10 or 15 years -- and looked at my future, I'd have been horrified by how my drinking increased in both frequency and volume. When I got sober, I realized I would only keep following the ball downhill unless I stopped. I hadn't "achieved" legal/criminal problems, joblessness, diagnosis of organ damage or the like.
Yet.
Sound familiar?