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Old 07-01-2016, 12:58 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
davaidavai
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Fly N Buy, that's cool. Glad it's working for you. My infrastructure isn't as intense, and it may just be impatience. I've been back for 4 months and previously only had a year and a half. For me that kind of situation, having tons of numbers, going out after, etc., feels like a structured interaction that stops short of actual friendship. That's not to say that it isn't good. It definitely feeds a need. Speaking purely for myself. I probably wasn't as energetic as you.

Centered3: yeah, you're probably right about privacy. But there is something more going on too. Maybe something less remarkable and more cultural or relative to the human condition.

Oldsoul112249: yes I relate to being different.

I think this dynamic though is something that precludes me making AA a way of life. I tried, sort of, to do that. My efforts varied in intensity over time. I tried to make a meeting 3 or 4 times a week, did 90 in 90, sometimes went to 2 or 3 in a day, sought sponsors, got a sponsor, worked the steps. I had profound spiritual experiences and epiphanies. I still have epiphanies. But I know I'll keep returning to this sort of irritation and awareness. These relationships aren't real. I guess at bottom it's the irritation of a lonely person who doesn't have much going on outside AA. I think I have done a poor job representing who I am in life and being that person. But it feels healthy, in accord with my intuition, to define my relationship here with the program and the organization. Probably many others have.
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