The evening prior to it, SeparatedAH was scary raging drunk when the kids and I got home at 5:30.
Going on and on about his truck needing repair, and no one in this town knowing how to work on it… plus all his usual rantings…
I took the kids outside in the back yard to get away from him. We were eating leftover Mexican food. Within a few minutes he followed us out there, and continued raging…for all the neighbors to hear. I just remember sitting there, with my little guys on either side of me, staring down at my leftover refried beans, trying not to cry, and just praying he would go inside and pass out.
“You don’t care!” he said to me, “I’m going to see someone who does… Hopefully my truck will make it to (her town).” He went inside and sat on the couch to put on his shoes, and then he left.
I knew where he was going. He had just started a new job and had met and become friends with one of the women he cheated with. That was the first night he went to her house.
I was so thankful he was gone… but at the same time, my heart was breaking.
So the morning of July 1st, he strolled in at about 8:30, looking smug. Still angry, probably still drunk. I took the kids to day care, then went back to the house. I had already called in to work. I was too much of a mess go in… I hadn’t slept at all.
Apparently he didn’t remember telling me where he was headed the night before, because he tried to tell me he went to the bar, then spent the night at his brother’s house. I knew he was lying, but he kept trying to convince me until his text alert went off. I picked up his phone… It was from her, saying she hopes he is feeling better, and that she really hopes he is well enough to come to work because she really wants to see him again…
His tone changed then… he went from smug and angry to apologetic and sucking up to me. I told him I needed him to move out (One of probably hundreds of times I told him that).
Then he went on to continue apologizing. He would never have done it if he wasn’t so drunk. He’s not going to drink anymore. He loves me so much, and can’t lose me, blah blah, blah.
And of course I gave in… I remember thinking maybe this was his bottom… maybe things were going to get better now. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.
It was really just the beginning of the worst of it….
2 years later and life is definitely so much calmer. I feel much stronger and have learned sooo much… I’m looking forward to the holiday with my sweet boys, and overall feeling good and positive about the future.
But my heart still aches when I think about that day, and all of it. I’m crying writing about it right now. I still have regrets over letting it go on as long as I did, and feel stupid for being so naïve. Wish I would have done so many things differently....
Anyway…. sorry to be a downer... Thanks for letting me share that.
Happy 4th of July weekend to all
Kboys