Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
I'm actually grateful that I've learned what I learned as a result of my relationship with my AXGF.
All of us, to one degree or another, have held on to the notion that if we just love someone enough and if we're supportive to the nth degree, the addict will not only be able to absorb that love and support, but that love and support will change their behavior.
This is simply and demonstrably false.
And this was a hard and painful lesson to learn. But you know what? It's an invaluable lesson, and it's one that I apply when I'm confronted with certain situations now. People are what they are, and they only way they will change is if they want to. My AXGF didn't want to change. Most of the addicts we discuss here at FFSA don't want to change. But we can change, if we choose to.
Doing "post games" -- reevaluating our decisions and where we veered off course -- is good so long as it remains non-judgmental. But don't spend too much time in the past...