Good day Sunshine1234,
I am probably in a somewhat similar situation. I have been battling with AH who was also a coke user. I have 2 children from previous marriage and a baby with current AH&Addict. They never saw his use as he would diseappear and I was left trying to keep all together. After several fights where I knew he was under the influence, physical abuse etc. I filed for EOP. It was granted immediately and I wish I did it sooner. I lost friends, family and my dignity with him. I loved the man and finally realized that I had to leave because I truly loved him. It sent him for the first time into recovery and a full on spiral of getting his addictions treated. We are still separated and he wants back in bad. So much that he is not supposed to contact me and when the judge said I can lock you up for contacting her he said " I love my wife, If you need to lock me up go ahead, I have done dumber things and gotten in trouble for them. I want to be the husband to this woman that she deserves, I was very wrong. I love her and want her in my life, If that means I go to jail because I love her, so be it". I agreed to meet him this week and go to Al Anon and see where that leads. I suggest it for you as well, it opens up a lot but helps you focus on you and your life. I don't know where my future is with my husband and that is ok. Now, as far as the kids, that is the hardest part. I have kept my other 2 children away from their step-dad. It tears him apart and I am firm on that even when he pushes me hard and it's hard for me to say no to him. He sees his daughter regularly and that is because he is currently sober, sees his sponsor daily, attends meetings and counseling weekly and some daily along with working his full time job. Like I said, I am still hesitant as the chaos was great, yet my love is still greater for the man but I must be wary and protect my kids and their well being in the process. Hang in there and God Bless.