Originally Posted by
RDBplus3 
Yeah, I can relate to a lot of what you describe JimmyS, except I never went on the psycho-meds. The psych-docs do what psych-docs do, and unless they have the addictive-ism I have, and have experienced the psychic change I have, I just don't care to go there.
I was able to quit the drugs (mostly) after 30 years of chasing what I thought was my choices to get 'high'. Alcohol however remained a constant. Then after 10 more years of the 'consequences' from my ' friend' alcohol, it got real bad inside, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (although I always blamed 'it' on other people and outside circumstances).
Then, after 'trying' to quit repeatedly, I hit the VOID place you describe. I didn't like drinking anymore, but insanely I would kind-of 'watch' myself drinking a couple drinks anyway, mainly out of the 'boredom' and 'insanity' of just being myself. Then I would 'watch' myself keep drinking until ...
I am now completely Free, and after the Miracle of becoming Free, I realize I was completely Spiritually Diseased. Living Life on Life's Terms was a ridiculous concept back when I was completely gutted by my active addictive-ism, and the inherent manifestations of my Self-Will-Run-Riot. Now, my Life has meaning and I consider myself a decent representation of Humanity. I could not have imagined my Life any different back then, and I cannot imagine anything in me Not being whole-heartedly invested in my Life now.
The 12 Steps of AA, when worked thoroughly and without reservation, are a definite path to Personal Wholeness, and was the cure for my previous Spiritual Disease.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW anyone can B 2.
Your post resonated with me.
For me I have the ability to abuse highly addictive drugs, get hooked, and then get off quite easily.
Except alcohol. Alcohol is a constant. Alcohol is my rock. It's there to make me happy when I am sad, to put me to sleep, to soothe sore nerves etc. etc. And it's killing me and I can't stop.
Intellectually I know it is doing me a whole world of harm, and the benefits I get from it are not real to anyone except my diseased mind.
I too, believe I am lacking spirituality in my life. I separate spirituality and religiousness which I think you are implying too?
But please tell me, how does AA provide spirituality? I understand in principle how the steps work, but they seem more like they are designed to heal your negative thought processes and damaged human relations.
How then, does it put me in touch with my spiritual side?
I was thinking more of doing meditation and the like than going to AA for my spiritual wellbeing.