Originally Posted by
Esperons 
My question is...can it progress this slowly, as in no visible change over the course of decades?? He seems never to outwardly get worse. And he's been a drinker for life.
I know it inevitably worsens, whether it affects mood, demeanor, or health, but is it inevitable that someone gets mean? I suppose they could actually maintain a "normal" demeanor for decades, and potentially succumb to the disease before they ever get mean, right?
Not every alcoholic gets "mean". And it can progress slowly or quickly. None of us can give you the answer you want though....which is whether he is an alcoholic or not. It doesn't matter how many times you ask the question or how you re-frame it, only he can make that determination.
You are much better off getting help for yourself not only with your own alcoholism but perhaps even something like AL-Anon. Just as it's very difficult to accept our own addiction, it's equally hard to accept that we cannot change others.