Yeah, I can relate to a lot of what you describe JimmyS, except I never went on the psycho-meds. The psych-docs do what psych-docs do, and unless they have the addictive-ism I have, and have experienced the psychic change I have, I just don't care to go there.
I was able to quit the drugs (mostly) after 30 years of chasing what I thought was my choices to get 'high'. Alcohol however remained a constant. Then after 10 more years of the 'consequences' from my ' friend' alcohol, it got real bad inside, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually (although I always blamed 'it' on other people and outside circumstances).
Then, after 'trying' to quit repeatedly, I hit the VOID place you describe. I didn't like drinking anymore, but insanely I would kind-of 'watch' myself drinking a couple drinks anyway, mainly out of the 'boredom' and 'insanity' of just being myself. Then I would 'watch' myself keep drinking until ...
I am now completely Free, and after the Miracle of becoming Free, I realize I was completely Spiritually Diseased. Living Life on Life's Terms was a ridiculous concept back when I was completely gutted by my active addictive-ism, and the inherent manifestations of my Self-Will-Run-Riot. Now, my Life has meaning and I consider myself a decent representation of Humanity. I could not have imagined my Life any different back then, and I cannot imagine anything in me Not being whole-heartedly invested in my Life now.
The 12 Steps of AA, when worked thoroughly and without reservation, are a definite path to Personal Wholeness, and was the cure for my previous Spiritual Disease.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW anyone can B 2.
