Sigh. Not again.
Day one.
It's so not fun at all anymore. It hasn't been for a long, long, long time.
I'm a decent person when I'm sober, I would like to think? I take pride in doing a good job at work. I care about my friends. I think about other people.
But the moment I put some substances into my body? Psychopath. Complete and utter crazy person. And I cannot stop for the life of me. All logic and reasoning goes out the window in favor for another drink. All morals - disposed.
My house and my car are a disaster, I lost all of my bank cards, my room smells like a disgusting brewery, and I'm dreading facing the consequences of my actions today. I was sending crazy text messages to my therapist and friends in the program. It's like "drunk me" tries to sabotage any healthy or sober relationships in my life so I have no chance of getting back on track when all is said and done.
Head down... one foot in front of the other. Try and breathe. One moment at a time. I can do this. I can stay sober today.