Originally Posted by
Sunshine1234 
My husband recently got out of detox mainly for Suboxone addiction along with alcohol, and "occasional" (he states) pills such as Adderall and Xanax. Anyways, so he said detox was pointless and they kept him on suboxone and gave him higher doses than he's used to and he was violently ill and then they released him 7 days later. Then he started intensive outpatient at rehab. I asked him if I could go to a meeting with him and he hesitated but then said sure whatever you want. Then a few hours later he sent me an email asking if I would accept him leaving the rehab program and seeing a therapist one on one with drug tests. He said the meetings at rehab are pointless and he sits there for hours listening to everyone else's stories. Does it sound like he's not ready to be sober and possibly not even going to rehab? I feel like I'm constantly being manipulated and I don't know what to believe anymore. He wants the kids and I to move back home and I said I'm not ready...so he threatened to harm himself and when I told him how selfish he was being he said what are you talking about I never said I was going to harm myself. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone!!!
This sounds exactly like my STBX and that can't be good. I practically forced him into a rehab. He complained constantly about how he couldn't stand listening to everyone's stories- he'd finally learned his lesson and all he wanted was to be home with me and the kids. I'd started going to Celebrate Recovery, so I told him if he would agree to go with me every Friday I would let him come home early. Well, he went- twice. Then he didn't want to listen to their stories, either. He got worse and worse, but it happened so slowly I hardly noticed. Years went by and my kids were exposed to his insanity for far too long. My cousin came to visit and I remember being excited to show her the life we'd built- because in my mind it was still a fairy tale. I knew that there was trouble under the surface, but I didn't think any one else could see the chaos. But that's all she saw, and she was terrified for us.
As codependents, we become very in tune with our addicts. We KNOW when something is wrong- it's just that we don't want to know. So we'll choose to believe their lies, despite all common sense.
My advice is, if you haven't already, to get yourself in a program and really work it. Put as much effort into your own recovery as you wish he would. Keep a journal and do not go a single day not writing in it. I've only been keeping one since our divorce started a few months ago, and it's so eye opening to see all of the madness that he injects into our lives. You may need to use it in court some day, and if not, at the very least it will help you to see some patterns.
Best of luck.