Acheleus, :hugs:
So many I can'ts!
I have many bad moments where I feel the same as you. Maybe for different reasons but the anger and frustration comes out the same way. I end up feeling victimized even when I know at the time I'm allowing these things to happen. (No is not naturally in my vocabulary)
Here are some things I try to do because I have a very bad runaway mind and I hit crisis mode and hit it fast and hard. So I try to be proactive when I can...
Posting here is great, but I think there is huge value in talking to someone relatable or experienced or in a professional capacity either face to face or over phone (I do phone therapy due to work schedule) having someone hear, understand and validate your feelings and especially offer support and advice in real time is a huge thing for people who tend to struggle with feeling isolated or abused. Even aa and sponsorship was great for me for that.
When I railroad myself with negative thinking I try really hard to redirect. I focus on the good things. The soft spots. I think of big and smalls things I have gratitude for. When I can't overcome my anger I pray for those who are troubling me. I try to find all the reasons I am thankful to have had them in my life. Because even the worst experience gives us some good insight and knowledge. It's hard, and when you feel pretty awful and alone it's hard to feel thankful for someone you begrudge. But I think that is part of the letting go of resentments and working towards forgiveness.
And be kind to yourself... reach out often. Because really, you can do anything. You got sober. You are a friggen rock star hero in my books.
I hope you find some peace my friend.