Originally Posted by
FutureTrip 
He's putting guilt on me, that he would never do this to me if the tables were turned, that I'm not supporting him and kicking him when he's down, that I'm not holding up my end of "sickness and health". And all of that gets into my head. All of that makes me feel guilty, makes me feel like an awful person. I can't stand it when people are disappointed in me and question my intentions, and it's getting me to question everything on my end. He says he's always accepted me and my faults unconditionally, which is so very true. He's using that against me, that he says I don't love him unconditionally. In the meantime, he hasn't done a single thing to show he's committed to a recovery since Thursday. He didn't go to his Monday rehab meeting because he felt sick and awful. He didn't meet with his sponsor last night because of the same reason and because he had to get up early the next day. He hasn't called his sponsor at all during all of this. Last night he was working on his little projects and when I stupidly said sarcastically "How's that studying the book, working on recovery going?" he said he wasn't expecting to have to leave so soon so he had to get his little hobbies finished up. Because THAT'S what's important right now, right? He is sick and broken. He's got a head wound, a broken finger, a horrible cold and cough. He DOES feel awful, but if he was committed, if he was taking me seriously, he'd still do whatever it took to show me that he's going to earn my trust back, that sobriety is important, right? He still holds on to that he thinks he just "slipped up after doing so well for so long". He was only sober for 5 days!! To him that is a lifetime, and I understand that from his pov, but then how in the he'll is he going to make it to even 30, 60, 120 days??! Especially when he isn't even trying to do anything different in regards to recovery. Sorry, I'm kind of ranting now. Its just so hard for me to hold on to feeling like I'm doing the right thing when he can convince me that I'm not, that I'm giving up on him too easily. I guess he feels like it could be way worse. And it could. So I guess he wants me to wait until he fixes it or everything implodes.
FT,
Your husband doesn't have a clue what it's really like to be married to an alcoholic. He can go off all he wants about "in sickness and in health". My AH sang the same tune too as if I was the monster that would even think about leaving. Then he went to rehab and learned a lot about addiction, sobriety and codependency. Called me from rehab and set his boundaries stating that he needs a marriage that is codependent-free for his sobriety and overall well-being and if it isn't he will need to consider divorce.
Then the tables were turned! I stuck through so many years putting up with his drinking and now he is telling me he ain't gunna put up with my codependency tendencies!
It just goes to show that when someone is getting "healthier", gaining independence, self-worth, self-love etc. They are more understanding of what they need and require and understand that the "in sickness and in health" analogy doesn't work as a sick person will drag a healthy person to become sick. Where's the real love in having two sick people?