Oh my goodness, where do I begin..
I have to start by saying I am in absolute awe at the amount of replies I received. Such good advice, such raw openness and rebuke...
God is so good.
My counselor got back to me and I have an appointment tomorrow evening. In my correspondence to him I let him know that my main concern is that I make a plan to stop drinking. He's familiar with my struggle with alcohol, and he was happy that I reached out. I have a feeling he was sort of waiting for this, as it's been over a year since I stopped going to counseling.
I bought more wine today and am almost done with the bottle (1.5 lt) so yes, I drank today. Too many issues with my husband, who isn't in any place to begin to understand what I'm going through, it seems. How could he be?
Withdrawal is something I'm beginning to realize I'm just going to have to go through. I hope, perhaps, my counselor may have an idea of how or where I can go through this safely and effectively. My husband works 60-80+ hours a week, so I'm home with our 3 year old most of the time. He feels that I need to be focused on the household responsibilities, which I understand to a point, but it just makes it that much harder to do.
Tomorrow is a new day. The booze will be gone and I have my appointment at 5:30 in the evening so I can't drink. I won't drink. The great thing is I respect this counselor so much that I wouldn't show up after drinking. Hopefully tomorrow can be day 1.
Thank you all again. What a beautiful bunch you are.
I'll check in tomorrow.