Hi nmamommy,
Giving you a BIG hug ((()))!!! I know you must feel all alone, but you're not. There are people that can help you like was suggested before. Call the county that you live in and social services.....they can give you info on how to help get help with the kids and some counseling for you.
I know what daily pain is like. I had colon cancer two years ago and went through a year of hospital test after hospital test. This was just a year after my Mom died of a sudden heart attack and 5 yrs after my Dad died of colon cancer. I felt really alone. My faith has carried me through the toughest of times! God is so good.
It is awful to get up each day feeling that way. You feel like you've gotta keep pushing yourself to do things, but it can get pretty tough. Take one step at a time. Focus on getting some new help first. Maybe your nanny now can help you get help through county/government agencies. Ask her and she if she'd be willing to. We never know until we ask.
Then, after you get the help with the kids, maybe you can get to some al-anon meetings. Getting out once in awhile to meet some new friends. Taking care of yourself. That is SO important because becoming depressed does make the pain worse.
There's a proverb in the Bible that says "When there's no Hope, the people will perish". That's very true. Without hope, we give up and it's so important that we don't get there........in giving up.
Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.
Praying for you!