((((somebody))))
It kinda sounds like you are owning to much of his guilt. He is projecting his guilt on to you but you do not have to accept it in fact you can hand it right back to him. When he does it make a simple statement like: no I think that belongs to you...I think it will really unnerve him.
I've been "codie" all my life. I am not sure that I am an expert but, I believe one of the worst things I do to me is absorb the guilt that my As try to pin on me. I am getting much better at not taking it and I feel much freer as a result.
Hey if they feel guilty that is their problem not mine or yours.
You sound to me like you are working to move ahead. Counseling could be very good for you and him I am sure it is possible to save the relationship if you both want to. Keep your own best interest in mind and ask your HP to guide you and He will and answers will come that you can deal with. As you get stronger with setting and keeping boundries detachment will be natural for you cause you will know what you are not going to put up with. Actually it won't be so much detaching as you are not going to go there in the first place so there won't be any reason to detach cause you are not attached. You are processing what you have learned. You know in your mind but it might take a minute for everything to become intergrated in your heart and spirit.
You will be ok... I will remember you in my prayers. Take care of you...