Yes, check out the Family and Friends forum where people understand.
It's OK to not say anything at AlAnon in the beginning, you don't have to say anything ever, if you don't want. The fact that you are turning up seeking solutions and posting here, means you will have people around you who "get it", and solid support is vital. You'll get that here.
It must have come as a real shock to learn this after 20 years, but yes, it happens. I am so sorry, and wish you all of the very best.