I am sorry that you are hurting. Accept him for who he is telling/showing you he is.
Maybe you could alternate meetings; one week go to CODA, next week go to alanon. Then, you can see for yourself which one works best for you.
If you have a chance, its up to your HP to decide. I certainly dont have those answers. Keep remembering that you are powerless and HP is in control. He has a plan for you- better than you could imagine for yourself.
Stay focused on meetings. See if you could attend any on the weekend. Good luck.