Also don't know what to say to you two. On the one hand you have to power through and just don't imbibe because stacking up days is a thing that just has to happen for any hope at all regarding alcoholism.
On the other I also understand wanting to drink. I understand anguish, fear and sadness and loss.
We all have different circumstances. Cow seems inconsolable. I have a desire to outlive my abusers, she does not seem to anymore. Dangerous place to be. All I can offer is try the one thing you haven't yet, long term sobriety. Something may open up. Something may change.
Trach I know you have had a lot of stress... but for us, we have no choice but to weather these situations without imbibing.