Hello. I remember reading your original thread and wishing you would get out of the toxic relationship while you still haven't invested "that much" eg. Married, children, many years and tears.
From all of us on this forum that is in fact married to an alcoholic, it is extremely difficult, chaotic, dysfunctional etc etc. They are truly sick and they will drag you down to the point where you are extremely mentally sick just like they are.
Hanging onto "hope" that they will somehow become the man that you have in your mind of how you want him to be is an illusion that we all (in relationships with an addict) have. If only they are this minus their addiction, they would be perfect. Reality check -- their addiction is part of who they are. Their jekyl and Hyde, their lies, their empty promises are part of who they are. The term "dry alcoholic" refers to a person who isn't drinking but still carries with them all the baggage of issues and mind frame of an addict (resentment, anger, blaming others etc) Even if this man stays sober, it will not relieve all his issues, his lying, his temper, his disrespectful accusations.
His ex wife left him due to his drinking. Take this as a HUGE red flag!! I wish I did when I met my AH. His ex left him too due to his drinking. I, gullibly thought that this relationship could be different. His charm, wit, kindness won my heart. 8 years later I've gone through all the ups and downs his ex must have gone through. I now can sympathize what hell she must have gone through. She dodged a bullet though. She never married him. I got hit by the bullet.