Hi guys,
I just wanted to post me old thread to give reference to where I was at last month ( So I don't rewrite the whole story)
Hi everyone,
I am new here. Thank you in advance for reading my story. I have been in a relationship with an amazing man for 9 months. He is smart, handsome, loving , caring, my best friend and also recently told me he was an alcoholic... He told me a few months ago... after he told me our relationship seemed to change overnight.... When we first met he told me he was going through a divorce and a really crazy custody battle. His now ex wife had left him in the middle of the night and took his kids across country to live with another man... My (now ex boyfriend ) confided in me and cried to me all of the time about how much he loved and missed his children... He swore up and down he loved me and that he had never felt this way about anyone. He has only been with 2 women in his entire life and he is 33. ( I am one of them ) ... He seemed to have a very strong faith in god. In the beginning we drank together... ( I can take or leave drinking ) but we were going on dates and vacations etc. We communicated well and told each other everything. We both have busy careers but I felt like I was in high school again...I literally felt like I had found my best friend... We moved in together... I spent time with his children... they told me they loved me and I thought to myself... wow I waited my whole life for him and I was so excited to have a family unit.... Well a few months ago he confided in me that he was a full blown alcoholic... that he had only been sober around 10 days in 8 years and that his ex wife actually left him and took the kids because of his drinking. He told me stories that shocked me about how drunk he would get... he said that he knew that he had lost his kids and his ex wife from drinking and that he wouldn't loose me too... so he quit for 2 weeks... then started...then quit...then started... this along with the pressure of all of the divorce baggage and learning to be some what of a stepmom to kids just became a lot to bear on my own......
One day out of the blue he broke up with me ( this was a month ago) then a week later ( he was sober for a week ) he begged for me back saying he wanted to live simply and soberly....then a week after that he got so drunk he didn't make it home one night and a week after that he got so drunk he came home and threw up in our back yard... Everything was so inconsistent with him that I decided to look through his phone one night when he was passed out...... He had a conversation with one of his guy friends that went like this...( mind you this was 3 days after begging me to move home and said he would pay all my bills if I did that he just missed me)
Guy Friend : "How is your new and improved girlfriend?"( what the ****)
My boyfriend: "well she knows not to tell me what to do anymore"
Guy Friend: "Oh so you can have sex with other girls and she can't with other guys?"
My boyfriend: "Ya I wish"
Guy Friend: "Are you sure you want to do be in a long term relationship"
My boyfriend: "Well she helps pay the rent and helps me with my kids"
I was SHOCKED!!!!! I have literally been there sooooooo much for this man.... like so much. I know his family, his friends... he talks to my father all the time...I wrapped his children xmas gifts and made them easter baskets for ***** sake ( sorry for the cussing ) How the heck could he talk about me like that????!!!
I mean we had the closest relationship...talking about everything under the sun...hung out every day... I am baffled...
I ended up breaking up with him...moved my stuff out within a few days. I am now living at my parents house... ( I own a successful company and now I feel like a child again)
I had one conversation with him where he says he knows how messed up he is and that he feels crazy form the long term of drinking everyday and the emotional trauma of his divorce but that he loves me with every piece of his broken heart... but he knows its best for us not to be together... and then blocked him on all accounts...
He has texted my best friend twice over the last week asking how I am ..she offered to take him to an AA meeting ( he refused and said he is just going to try to drink on the weekends now)
Today he texted my dad and apologized for everything and told my dad that I am better off with out him and that I am amazing and that he really loved me.....
My dad and my best friend both refused to say anything about me and just wished him sobriety...
I have read through all of our texts.. went through all of the hundreds of days and hours we have spent together and it is so bizarre.. so so bizarre... I keep thinking to myself...how the heck is this really over...how can he have loved me soooooo much and I was the most important thing to him until one day I just wasn't worth the effort ( and trust me his baggage was much much more than mine) in the traditional sense... I am just dumb founded... Can alcohol really change a person this much... sorry if I seem harsh... I am just in shock really.... everyone and anyone who has spent time with us was in shock that we aren't together.... I think this is just such a fresh wound still... I think it is best to keep him blocked but I feel sick to my stomach..... How can they change there feelings so rapidly? Thanks for listening...
So This was written last month.... I am so ashamed that I went back after this... He said that this was "guy talk"... He called my dad and asked if there was anything he could do to get me back... he called my friends etc etc etc... well after a week of him begging I decided to go back... I am an idiot...he never stopped drinking... I joined alanon and have an amazing sponsor
so thats the good news... the super hurtful news is that I moved back in to our home. He ended up getting 50/50 custody with his ex wife of their 5 and 8 year old... well she still is out of state so for 2 weeks I helped him with the children everyday ( mind you I have a full time job too) and his kids loved me and I adored them. After 2 weeks of no breaks ( no even a minute from the kiddos) I asked if we could maybe get a sitter ( my best friend could watch them for an hour) and go to dinner... which I think is totally reasonable considering I have them a few days a week and we have them all the time together...asking for 2 hours every few weeks doesn't seem that hard to show the woman who is taking care of your children and who you say you want to marry some support...Anyhow, when I said I thought that I wasn't ready to live with him and wanted to take time to acclimate to the kids he said that he was going to maybe have to get a place with his ex wife then!!!!!???? WTF...she had a 2 year affair and took his kids across state for an entire year .... ( probably had a good reason)... this felt like such a betrayal... and then 2 days later ( which was today ) he asked if we could be friends with benefits....???!!! I literally feel grossed out...like i want to crawl out of my skin... so hurt .... Its nuts how much he has changed ( he used to adore me ).... or his false self did.... He sounds like a monster now... even when I write it out I am stunned...but he was my best friend before...the person who I would tell anything to... its like jekyl and hyde... he says he loves me and I am what he wants... but I find that so manipulating and crazy making...PS he still drinks daily and I think he hides it from me a lot now.... anyway I went totally No Contact and I am having my best friend handle all of the logistical matters because we lived together before... I am just in so much pain... I feel like I don't have a home...nothing feels safe... I feel like I get put on a pedestal and as soon as he feels like he has me he pulls the rug out from under me... This is so hard...thank you for listening