Behappy1

I had a DUI the end of February. I lost my license and all privileges. During the next month I went to treatment and entered therapy. I went back to court the end of March. My attorney had my privileges reinstated for work. I have 15 year old twins and am a single parent with zero help from my ex. Not even financially. I'd asked my attorney about running my kids to and from practice and 4-h meetings. He said no. Work only. I work from home and travel all over for my job.

My HR department found out about the DUI and since I have a company vehicle I was terminated last Tuesday. Prior to this I had my own consulting company and took a job in the corporate world after my divorce for the benefits, 401k etc. This is the job which I just lost. I have never been reprimanded in a job. Ever. I have had 1 speeding ticket in the last 20 years. That was when my sister went in to labor 2 months early.

Since losing my job, I have zero reason to be driving. I have other employment prospects whom would like to meet with me OR I could expand my consulting business. BOTH require me to drive quite a bit. That is on hold until my court date, which is at the end of June. Without being able to drive there is a zero chance of employment. I live out in the middle of nowhere. The nearest grocery store is 10 miles away. We do not have taxi's, UBERS, busses.

My kids have soccer, basketball, heptathalon practices as well as 4-h meetings. This equates to 16 trips at minimum to and from a week. My parents are exhausted from the last 4 months of the running of the kids and trying to live their own lives. I am 45 and they are in their late 60's. The kids have had to miss out on sleepovers, practices, meetings and ANYTHING extra to try to save my parents from running so much.

A prime example is tomorrow. Both kids have soccer tournaments in different towns. Normally I'd drop both off and stay for part of one to watch and then go to the other to watch and get them both picked up. At this point I have zero idea how or who will get them where they need to be. Me watching them both is out of the question. This means that I will not be at both or either child's games and they will have no one to watch them at their games.

My kids are 15 1/2. They could have gotten their permits in April. In order to do so a licensed parent must go with them and sign. A licensed parent must be with them for them to get their 50 hours of driving time.
They cannot do this without me as their dad is not in the picture.

My attorney is a very good attorney and to the point. He does not need nor want frou frou stuff to present a case. When I went to court on March 30 I asked my attorney about driving for work. He was like "Oh, I didn't get that back for you?" He had them back that day. I also don't think he truly realizes how much running my parents do for my kids.

My son has asthma. His rx ran out. He needs his inhaler. I cannot get it. My mom will get it when she can.

I realize that this is 100% MY fault. I am very thankful that no one was hurt because of my actions. I hate myself because of the situation I have put my family in. Because of my DUI I lost my license, I lost my livelihood, I lost the ability to get my kids where they need to be, I've lost my freedom. I've lost so much at MY OWN HANDS.

I am worried that I may go back to court and lose my license for an extended period of time. If this happens I cannot work and my kids cannot be in any outside sports, activities or even get their permits.
I honestly do not know what I will do if this happens.

I guess I am just wondering if anyone has any thoughts towards court. Is there anything additional that I can/should do? If I need an attitude adjustment I am open to that. I guess that is why I am posting. I don't really talk to anyone about this and I've sat here ruminating about this with my life on hold. Some days I feel very hopeful and others completely hopeless. Yesterday was not a good day and I could not shake this funk. I went to bed early. But I am not drinking.

Thank you all for your input. I'm open to gentle suggestions. I have been very down on myself throughout all of this. Rightfully so. This has been devastating... Thank you for reading guys.