A report
Dear everyone
Now I have managed to stay away from him for almost three months. As I told you in may month, he suddenly turned up out of the blue begging me to take him back. But I rejected his request, but promised to be there for him as a friend. Since then we have met two times, just to chill out and then have sex.... Which is very hurtful, because being so close to him reminds me of how much I love him. This weekend I have promised him that we will hang out again.
He keeps everything very secretly nowadays, I really don't know much of what he is doing at all. He keeps telling me that he is still clean, though. Which I, to some extent, know is true because we've talked on the phone and I can hear from his voice when he is sober or not.
Last week he was on a five days rock festival with one of his old junkey friends, who also is an opiate addict. I wonder: is it really possible for him to stay clean while at the same time hanging out with his old junkey friends? This friend is one of the biggest sellers of marijuana in our town, and as mentioned above also a opiate addict. I really, really wonder if it is possible for two junkeys to spend five days together at a rock festival without relapsing. I know his friend is in an active addiction, without making any efforts to quit at all.
The reason why I want to talk to you about this is because I can feel that I deep inside, after these three months, is beginning to think over it again and maybe give him one more chance. I feel so alone. Even though other men is approaching me and asking me out, I cannot think of anyone else than HIM.