New - mentally broken.
I am mentally broken. I have struggled for about 5 years to get and stay sober, with the last attempt including a 45-day stay in a rehab facility in Feb/March 2016 after a hospitalization. I got out and have already found myself in a full relapse. It started 2 weeks after treatment with a "slip". I somehow managed to pull myself together and stay sober for another 2 weeks, but relapsed again and there has been almost no looking back.
I feel so defeated. I felt that rehab was my last option. Today is Day 2 again. Yesterday was awful. Between the fits of crying, fits of rage, tightness in my chest from anxiety, insomnia, hopelessness, loneliness and the overwhelming feeling that I will never be happy, I felt like giving up.
This morning was not much better. After getting about an hour of sleep, I somehow took a shower and got ready for work as I bawled my eyes out the entire time. I never want to feel like this again. I have felt that way for a long time, but this has proved to be the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I know I need every possible coping tool possible so here I am asking for support and guidance & praying to God for 24 hours. Thank you for listening.