Finaltime, I know your story well! Trust me. I have read your posts and many of the opie addicts time and time again. I'm amazed at the resilience of this group. And I want to be apart of this journey. I would love to chat directly and will reach out. There must be some sort of messenger thing on here I haven't discovered yet. I downloaded the books and found the xaspeaker site recommended to another on another forum. Adams story resonates so clearly with me. And Gina's. I got honest with my mom today; it was brutal. They support me doing a detox at a facility but I want to face this head on at home. Monday is my last day of subs and work for three weeks. I HATE subs and have done the program officially and now am tapering again off my last but. For me it is impossible to function at my job and not have anything in my system. So the real wds start Monday. I'm taking a crumb now. I hope you all don't give up on me cuz of the subs. I know people have such strong opinions about them. I won't get caught back in the endless cycle this time. I'm meeting with my old sponsor tomorrow. Can't wait. She has TWO magical years clean and she was an IV user and lived a life of chaos and yet even she found a way to kick and stay clean. She is so happy too and she works a damn good program. Prayers to you all. Happy to not be doped out tonight.