Sounds like you are on the right track. You are off to a good start.
Yes, be honest with yourself. Most addicts need a slap in the face from the concrete at "rock bottom" to finally get real about turning their life around.
I have wanted to stop for 6 to 9 months. I knew I was out of control and only getting worse. I was even taking a friend to an outpatient methadone clinic, but never had the courage to go in myself. God finally took pity on my weak ass and knocked me into a coma for three weeks, I still can't imagine the pain I put my family through. My kids will have the memory of seeing their father in the ICU hooked up to a machine to breath for me for the rest of their lives. Can't imagine the therapy they will need down the road.
Keep going to those NA meetings. They have been a great source of inspiration for me. I have lost a lot because of my addiction. I heard some heart wrenching stories in tonight's meeting. Made me SO thankful for every little thing I still have. Don't wait until you loose everything. If you keep using, you are lying to yourself. Thinking you have it under control and that you wont let it stop you from being a "functional" user. That is the biggest lie their is.
Sorry, really don't mean to preach. But sounds like you could use a push in the right direction.
God Bless!
I wish you the strength to do what you know you need to. I will pray you stay on the right path. Keep posting, let us know how you are doing.