Alicia.....stop blaming yourself.
I am going to speak very directly to you....in a sort of unvarnished way.....
You are the victim of abuse. He is the perpetrator of that abuse.
It traumatized you (as abuse always does).
trauma leaves wounds....wounds on the inside..that others can't see, looking from the outside.
We can't look to the abuser to be the one to help/let us heal....although that is what the victim often yearns for.....The one that harmed us cannot be the one to heal us.....
I am so happy that you are asking if you need counseling to help you.....because that means that a part of you is open to the idea of getting real help that can bring you inner peace.....
I say YES....absolutely get some counseling. I believe that all victims of abuse==any type of abuse...need specialized support and counseling from professional workers who know what they are doing. Those are the people who know how to help you.
You, so wisely, spoke to the dv people at one time. I say to get in touch with them...and ask them to help get you set up with a counselor and an ongoing support group.
Your husband doesn't need to even know about this. If he were to ask..I would simply tell him that you are getting counseling for "woman's self enrichment and impovement".
Victims often....almost always...carry a burden of inappropriate guilt......
That is so self abusive.....We say that the victim should never, ever be blamed....
So....please stop blaming yourself and realize that you are carrying undeserved "guilt".
Nobody should have to feel guilty for sleeping with their own husband.....
this, alone, should alert you that something has been broken.....
I do believe that the only real way to help yourself is to get the counseling from the experts ........
Those who get the help are the ones who get to healing......
You certainly are not alone.....
dandylion