All of us have done things in the past that we aren't proud of Bluedog. People here have lost their families, jobs, homes, even their lives or the lives of others around them because of alcohol. No one is suggesting that you haven't had a rough time of it in the past, and no one can just "turn it off like a switch" - we all have to live with the consequences of our past for the rest of our lives.
Venting about it is therapeutic to a point too, but it can easily turn into an obsession or self-pity too. You have to be very careful to watch that you don't cross that line.
And at the end of the day, it sounds to me like there is a lot of good in your story anyway - you've built a good life in the past, there's no reason you cannot do it again. Seems like the common element that ruined everything was alcohol ( just like it was for all of us ) - so if you can channel your energy towards staying sober, there's no limit to what you can do.