We all know the "its my friends" excuse. When my son got caught at 14 he's 18 now I told him about the long line of addicts and alcoholics he comes from. I didnt shame him or make threats I wasnt willing to follow thru with.
I didnt test him even when I was sure he was lying to me. He says he wasnt I'm not sure.
I did bring him to an AA meeting not forced but to be honest I wasnt taking no for an answer.
He knows I'm a junkie and how hard I have worked to stay "clean"
I think i got thru to him and his friends. They all know they can come to me with anything. I wont freak out (sometimes I want to) but I wont. I wont force them to do anything. I will strongly encourage them. I will help them out of trouble with advice but not do it for them.
I think this approach has worked. At 18 thru 20 I have a been their rock. They have come to me with stuff that makes me really uncomfortable at times. I have had to go to parents with stuff about their kids that has caused problems in our and their relationship.
I love these kids! Kids make mistakes.
I really feel that you are born an addict. I know my kid has the genes. He's not perfect but he's ok. A few weeks ago I talked to my cousin about all of this she feels these kids are past it. I know it doesnt work that way but I can hope.
I guess the moral of the story is keep the communication open and be there. If they feel like they are being judged of forced they will shut down.
I get I wont be popular with some here but it is what it is.