Traits of a closed toxic alcoholic family (FOO)
Since it seems there are quite a few of us dealing with just this, thought it would be good to start a thread to understand just what you are dealing with when choosing to stay in a family like this or choosing to walk (RUN) away....
Things I noticed (and have shared with another member here):
1) Loyalty is demanded to the FOO-it's encouraged by guilt, manipulation, triangulation, etc.
- my exs mother told him over and over that he was to take care of her and that was his job. Sissy told him she knew what was best for him. (Same sick sentiment he echoed).
2) afraid to stand up for themself (or spouse). My ex and I had just had our second baby and his mother decided to throw a huge party-a family reunion-and my ex was helping out setting up, etc. We all did. That party happened to be a day or so before we had to move our family to a new hime-with a newborn-packing, etc. I told my ex from the start that we needex to leave and get home to pack, etc. His mom was irate when we were leaving-my exs response?! Well, I didn't want to poss her off and either way I was screwed-I was either going to **** her off or puss you off and she's my mom....so ... Cue my wtf? (That seemed to be a recurring theme in our marriage). Too afraid to stand up to the very people that made him who he is.
3) not being allowed to think for yourself and make your own decisions. Nuf said-I think I've posted enough about my ex being a man child .
4) FOO thinks they own you. Sad, but true. Must suck to be owned by people that continue to lead you down the wrong path.
5) lies and secrets are tolerated and known-the truth is shut down and not allowed. You become the problem when you speak out.
6) they stalk , project, blame and smear just to try to make themselves feel better.
7) the poor children (adult children) are so enmeshed that they don't have their own identity-individuality is not supported in these families. They don't form their own person.
Anything else y'all can add? I'm sure I have forgotten plenty of attributes. My exs family has done exactly what I figured they would do-they circled the wagons pointing the finger at me and not once thought about the children-in fact , they were blamed as well.
Sick, sick sick-just want us all to know with eyes wide open the reality of dealing with a very sick FOO.
Peace to y'all!