Hechosedrugs

"A test in which a person is exposed to flames in order to assess his/her truthfulness, commitment, courage, etc."

I think it is important for friends and family of substance abusers to realize that, just as with any addiction, things get worse before they get better.

I separated from my STBX so many times due to his addiction that I lost count. Every. Single. Time. strange things would go wrong- things that never had before. The septic tank would overflow, the air conditioner would stop working, the power would go out for days in the dead of winter.

I'm a very spiritual person, always looking for symbolism and deeper meaning. So when these things would happen, I would think- "It's a sign! He is meant to be in our lives!"

Now I see that there was more to it than that. I really believe that God's been giving me a crash course lately in how to take care of my boys and myself. And he's asking me, "How bad do you want this?"

More than anything.

I'm ready for the fight. I'm ready to go to court against a man with no morals- a man who has vowed to destroy me by any means possible. I'm ready to have terrible lies told about me, and accept the possibility that they will be believed. I'm ready to put it all on the line in the name of truth. Because I know even if my worst fears come true, even if my children are stripped away from me and delivered into the hands of a psychopath- it's all just part of my pruning. I'll never give up.

I want this more than anything.