Hi Sleepie. My husband would be absolutely thrilled if I was to pick up a drink again. It would excuse his own drinking and put our relationship right back where it was...and a lot of that was good.
I can't say I don't struggle with what I see as his 'indifference', but I think much of that is centred in his fear and reluctance to let go of his own drinking.
So...its down to me. I either make my peace with his drinking, or I don't. That's where I am. Going back to drinking isn't an option for me any more. In every other way our relationship is good. We've been married a long time and we still laugh a lot. BUT he drinks and would be my enabler were I to let him.
I no longer have any expectations that he will stop or that he will suddenly become interested in my recovery journey, and letting go of that has brought me some peace. He is his own person, and I am mine.
It sounds to me like your sobriety and clarity of thought now has raised a lot of questions for you about the state of your relationship. I don't believe any one of us here can tell you what to do, but we can listen and support.
We all deserve some happiness, and only we can tell what that looks like.
Peace ❤️