Reflections on 4 months
This week I've (sort of) been off work. I say sort of because I have still gone in to work but it's been on my terms and much more manageable. But, it's given me time to reflect on stuff....
I've reached my 4 months this week. In just 4 months since my last relapse, I've reached unimaginable highs and lows....I've made a pretty half-assed attempt at suicide, I've sat rocking with anxiety every morning wondering whether I can get out of bed, I've sat in a chapel after going through the steps on retreat and blubbed all the way through a sermon on forgiveness, I lost my sponsor to relapse, I've made some new friends, I've found a wonderful meeting that I try not to miss...and I've reconnected with God.
I feel stronger and calmer in so many ways. I went back and read some posts I'd written on this site at about the same time last year, and it was like it was written by another person. Was that really me? It is really dawning on me just how long I was sick for, how lost in self.
And yet...this is still the very beginning for me, I still have so much to learn. There were issues I had then around other people's drinking that are still as relevant today. I am still walking through the same family dynamics and learning how to make my peace with them. I still have doubts and anxieties.
But I no longer feel alone. Thanks all ❤️