Originally Posted by
Para 
The autopilot is scary. I can't even trust myself to follow a plan - I guess thats why you get someone to keep you accountable.
I have the tools-but I am stubborn and refusing to use them.
I'm going to dust myself off and get back on the sober wagon.
I think this is where your issue is Para. The other question is, why do you allow yourself to pick up if you're wanting to get sober? What are the rationalizations that are going through your head when you're picking up alcohol and then allowing yourself to drink? I had to really battle those rationalizations and not allow myself to pick up no matter what I was feeling. It is hard and we've all been there, but it will get easier, but you have to use the tools.
