I'm really glad you wanted to talk this over, thismadamisdone. I'm late to the thread, but want welcome you to a great place for encouragement & support.
When I first joined I was still desperate to hold on to drinking. Even though it was tearing my world apart - I was afraid to let go. I suggest you keep posting & reading here. It took me a few months to become convinced I could never be a social drinker. Every single one of my brilliant plans to moderate failed - with disastrous & dangerous results.
It feels so good to finally be free of it. You can do it.
