There were a lot of reasons I stayed.
There were some good times. He had a lot of potential. I didn't want to leave 5 minutes before the miracle. I am stubborn A. F. He was hot and liked to fish. We clicked - in the beginning. And the root of all that seems to be coming down to
My need for perfection and control of my life and surroundings. My fear of failure. Me not realizing that I deserve much, much better.
Dang - that stressed me out to write! I thought I was so happy with him, for a while.
My current lifestyle is pretty peaceful. I run from drama - straight to the nearest river, rod in hand. I read - A LOT. I cook hot dogs on an open fire for dinner on Wednesdays. I ride my bike - solo and with other women riders. I date, but don't really call them back - there's just no room in my time unless they are nothing short of spectacular. I eat well and exercise. I run the dog at the park every day. I see and talk to my family, often. I am travelling, making new friends, and spending time with old ones. I will look back at this time in my life with such love and fondness.
It is very hard for me to see anything from my relationship with XABF except my flawed thinking. Hopefully this is enough to prevent the same disaster in the future. It's so weird to be proud of my own "selfishness." Something I used to think was so bad.