I stayed because I needed to, until I did not.
Looking back it is very clear to me that I was going to get myself into a relationship like the one I was in that got me here.
I don't say that to be fatalistic though it may come across that way.
I had some serious learning to do about co-dependent behaviors, my own self-worth and how to be in relationships (especially boundaries and self-care).
I had NOT learned those lessons with non-intimate relationships though I had had a number of opportunities. Sure some of it was the environment I grew up in that affected me, but man I sure ran with it.
Though incredibly painful to learn the lessons I took from this have been invaluable. I would not trade them for the world.
I am so grateful I was open to the learning......this is not a cycle I want to repeat in myself.
Finally I deeply believe that we are given options to heal our childhood from many of the choices we make as an adult. I think that is what my experience was about for me.