In my case Iīm sure it was because I felt I didnīt deserve better - I probably still donīt.
Before becoming involved with xabf I spent many years single. My longtime partner and father of my kids left me for someone else and after that I only had a very unsatisfying and plain weird LD "relationship" with a former friend who was more into virtual interactions than seeing me in person. This was a serious blow to my self esteem, especially when I found out he had moved back to town and didnīt bother to tell me.
So anyway, when axbf showed up, with all his charm and declarations of undying love, introducing me immediately as his girlfriend to his friends and family, it was such a huge boost to my self esteem. On the other hand, I did notice that many things were off but I just figured this was the best I could aspire to. I even remember thinking that he did seem to drink a lot but that he would probably want to be with someone else (better than me) if heīd stop drinking.
I think I made myself useful to him (doing the dishes and errands, adapting to his needs, never ask for much back) because I thought that was the only way to keep the relationship going. And as time went on and he became abusive, my self esteem became even more damaged.
So yeah, Iīm sure I had a big role in maintaining a dysfunctional situation. I really donīt know how to change all that. For now Iīm just dealing with the hurt and anger. I donīt dare even thinking about embarking on something new, it seems safer to remain single for ever though it does make me sad.