Originally Posted by
TimeForMe 
A lot of people on here come across to me as level-headed and logical. Why did we stay as long as we did? I'm sure most of us did not end it after the first drunken stupor. Is it like the frogs in the water, not knowing they're boiling until it's too late? Are we holding out for hope that will never come? Are we so damaged from our own upbringing that we think our dysfunction is normal? Do we think we don't deserve better?
I can only speak from my own perspective. I grew up with very strong opinions surrounding separation and divorce, and so I was already biased against 'calling it quits.' Combine that with the fact that as we get older, we get introduced to a series of rules or guidelines to follow on how to handle turmoil in a relationship involving two
rational individuals. My moral compass directs me to resolve the turmoil whenever remotely possible rather than jumping to separation or divorce, and so that is what I try to do.
The fundamental flaw with this plan is that if your partner is an addict, the rules of conflict resolution don't always apply and so I got stuck wondering why things weren't working out, because I was following the steps I was 'supposed to.' That got me in the mindset that I must not have tried hard enough, or I made a mistake somewhere, and I start wondering what it was that I did wrong. Insert the "walking on eggshells" feeling of never knowing when an argument will happen because I can't figure out what it is that I'm doing to set her off.
And once we get out of it, how do we learn to live healthy and whole within ourselves? How do we learn to not choose the same type of person if we choose to be with someone else?
By being accountable to ourselves for standing behind our limits or boundaries without giving in to the expectations of others. By taking the time to really reflect on what you will and will not accept in your life and being aware of your surroundings. By removing negative influences from your life without apology. By giving ourselves the time and freedom to heal on our own, seeking emotional and/or spiritual fulfillment from within ourselves and not requiring it to come from someone else.