Why do we stay?
The other day, ladyscribbler said something that was a major AHA! for me. She said "Playing nice with this man is not going to cause him to suddenly become a reasonable and rational human being or have an epiphany about how poorly he is treating you and your child. Many of us here have tried to take the route of appeasement. Not one has met with success. "
Since I left in the fall, I've tried to play nice. STBXAH has been alternately remorseful and cruel.
I've been ignoring a lot of quacking by STBXAH since the other day, and really thinking. What I don't understand is this: I think I'm pretty smart and rational. If a friend was going through what I went through, it would be very clear to me that the friend should get out. So why did I stick around so long?
A lot of people on here come across to me as level-headed and logical. Why did we stay as long as we did? I'm sure most of us did not end it after the first drunken stupor. Is it like the frogs in the water, not knowing they're boiling until it's too late? Are we holding out for hope that will never come? Are we so damaged from our own upbringing that we think our dysfunction is normal? Do we think we don't deserve better?
And once we get out of it, how do we learn to live healthy and whole within ourselves? How do we learn to not choose the same type of person if we choose to be with someone else?
There is probably not one answer to these questions, if there are ANY answers at all. I am going to a therapist tomorrow, so maybe I can get some insight there.
I am genuinely interested in why you all think you stayed so long, or are still staying.