Yes, I'm the exact same. I feel like garbage, take a few days to get over the feeling of utter despair, stabilise and when things are starting to go well again I relapse. I swear after each time it's the last. Very similar patterns! But this scares me because I've been this determined before and went back.
Somebody mentioned persistence in successful recovery, I think that's crucial. If this persistence is missing you're pretty much done.