I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. I do a lot of the time. It fed my addiction to alcohol for too many years.
I second everyone saying to address your feelings of suicide. It is something very real and very important - I am glad you wrote that you have those feelings. That's a big step, now on to the next where you get some help with those feelings. We want you here!
On being overwhelmed and not drinking (for me): I am always worried more about anybody else and their lives and problems than me. I am stopping that every chance I get nowadays. What I try to focus on every moment I can is to take care of me. I am sleeping a lot nowadays and at times feel guilty about it, but you know what - I have killed my body with drink for so many years - it must need some sleep to mend now. Sleeping is a gift I give to myself. Also eating as well as I can and talking positive to the me in my head. I can't tell you how many times I say to myself, "It's okay, it's going to be okay". This too shall pass is also a favorite saying. I try to make sure I do the things that absolutely must be done and the other things I think I should be doing or others put on me... I do what I can with it and then try to be proud that I did the ones I had to do. I try to set up my day to win. I space tasks out, not put them all in one day. And I am in the process of creating nice stress-relieving situations or activities that I enjoy or make me feel ok. I've found some new teas that I like. Lots of people talk about finding new beverages to replace the yucky ones. I make sure that I am taking care of myself very well personal grooming wise. It's fun to pamper yourself. I buy good things to eat. I have started reading again (a life-long hobby that was ruined by drinking and not remembering or not having time due to drinking). I have discovered a bunch of new series to watch on tv that are good to look forward to --- that's a big thing is to find interesting-to-you things to look forward to instead of drinking activities.
I will stop now -- read here on SR - there are tons and tons of suggestions from sober-now people who have been where you are. I feel time spent reading posts here is really time well spent.
I wish you the best... please keep posting to let us know how things go
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